Back in July I took a flight with the Saffa for the weekend to London for a special visit. We were going to meet this children. The Saffa, like me, is divorced and, unlike me, had two children in his first marriage. I had to get permission from the doctor to make the flight as I was past the airline cutoff but it was a trip that we really wanted and needed to make. Since things had moved so fast with us, practically nothing fell in quite the right sequence in our relationship so it was not the first time we found ourselves moving outside of what well-established protocol dictates. At times that has been unsettling but not because I ever felt insecure or unhappy about us directly. It was more the impact on those around us that I was concerned about.
And nothing was more concerning to me than the impact on his kids. The Saffa's son is 15 and his daughter is 14 so not young but not adults yet either. He had been open with them about us and what was going on from the start. It took some time for them to process and eventually accept the situation. Throughout the spring and summer, the Saffa split his time between Munich and London, which I fully supported and encouraged.
As the time passed, we decided it was time to meet.
We arrived in London on Friday evening and settled into a hotel nearby and got ready to spend the day together on Saturday. I think the most nervous one was the Saffa on Saturday morning. I had no expectations and decided I needed to just take it all in stride, however it went. At their age and given that they live with their mother, there was no expectation from any of us that I act as a mother to them. In fact, it was requested that I not try to play that role. Cool family friend or aunt would be my ideal.
We pulled up to the house and the Saffa's daughter approached us from across the street with their dog that she had been out walking. She avoided eye contact and chatted with her father before going into the house to finish getting ready. We walked into the hallway and his son came downstairs and said hello and told us we were early. Eventually they got ready and we made it out of the house and off to town. We had decided to see the final Harry Potter together and before then to do some window shopping and have a Starbucks together. Slowly we all warmed up a bit and got to chatting. To be honest, at that age, I think kids in general prefer to be with their own kind than any adults so conversation topics were a bit start and stop and sporadic.
Nevertheless, by the time we went to the movie the ice had been broken.
After the movie we went out for dinner and a little more shopping and then dropped the kids off so they could get ready for the Saturday evening plans. We drove off and I could see the Saffa was pleased how it all went and I was glad we had all more than survived the first meeting. I like his son's sense of humor and while a bit shy at first he opened up and was fun to talk to. His daughter is a real firecracker and is an excellent rugby player and thinking about becoming a lawyer. I love that they both have his big blue eyes.
A couple of weeks ago we brought them over to Munich for a long weekend. It was probably more fun for us than them but was a nice visit and we showed them around Munich in the sweltering heat, took them to their first beer garden and generally tried to keep them entertained. It was great spending some more extended time with them and hope they will be frequent visitors in addition to the time the Saffa and at times Pea and I will spend in the UK. They are coming to the US for a week after Christmas to spend time with us there and we have plans for them!
I still have concerns about the Saffa being around for them enough while being based here but I am hoping we all can find the right balance. They are great kids but still need both of their parents around at this stage in their lives. Ah, modern families!
Posted from Munich
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
8.9.11
16.1.11
On Love
They say when you know, you know.
When we met, I was a few weeks into dating Mr. Kilt. I had just started working at my new client and I didn't have a permanent desk yet, so I was sitting in a makeshift office, where others who might be in town for a few days sometimes used a desk temporarily. I showed up one morning expecting to have the office to myself, as I usually did, and there he was. We had talked on the phone a few times and I liked his sharp, dry wit and how he twisted my words around in a teasing way that always left me flailing in my use of the English language, as if I was a mere beginner in speaking it. He flustered me.
On that morning, the guy sitting in 'my' office stood up to introduce himself and (typical of meeting someone you only 'know' over the phone) he didn't look at all how I pictured he would be. As an American, when I hear a British accent, it draws to mind certain images of how the person should look and I shall leave it at that rather than risk being offensive.
In that moment of meeting, sparks flew and time slowed down and everything got quiet. Then we both kind of shook our heads to snap out of it, turned away, and went back to our lives. And that was all. I had never had that moment with Mr. Kilt, however I felt that it was time to give up on that 'we just knew' feeling at my age and after my experiences and live in a more pragmatic and practical world. Mr. Kilt was there, he treated me like a princess and he would be a good partner to have in life.
Still, in the autumn of last year, while I couldn't put my finger on it exactly, life was feeling very flat. There was no drama, for which I was glad, but sitting in my bedroom one morning after sleeping in too long again, the thought just popped into my head. I am not fun anymore. I had traded life's ups and downs for much more stability but instead of feeling fulfilled I felt very little of anything. I argued with myself that still it was better than life had been. I was not alone, I had a good job, the prospect of another good job on the horizon, discussions about a wedding and children and someone nice to share it all with. How could I seriously feel unfulfilled?
In the meantime, the 'Brit' and I got to know each other a little more but our discussions always centered on work. Nevertheless, I found out he was actually South African but had been living outside of London for about 12 years, had traveled around the world as a consultant, was divorced several years ago and has two teenage children. He came to Munich from time to time so we saw each other occasionally.
In November he was planning a trip to Munich and suggested we gather up some of the colleagues and go out for some dinner and drinks. I had a feeling I should not go. We had kept the door closed between us, kept the relationship professional and I did not want an evening out to rock the boat. But what was I worrying about? He had never said or done anything to indicate he had any of the feelings I did.
So we planned the night out and a group of us went out for dinner, then onto a bar for some drinks. Leading up to the night, I had butterflies and kept telling them to get lost. The night finally came, and as the evening went on, my carefully barricaded door was dismantled and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was in trouble. Because, I just knew. I knew he had the same feelings, I knew I could not ignore mine anymore. And because I didn't want to know any of those things!
My head and my heart fought a battle for the next days but I knew it was just a matter of time. I would break up with Mr. Kilt and give in to what I felt deep down inside. That I belong with this man - it is just meant to be.
Posted from Munich
29.12.10
A December to Remember
Another year coming to a close and, for the most part, 2010 was very much what I had hoped it would be.
Life just generally calmed down. By the end of March, I had stopped traveling for work and could settle in to a more normal lifestyle of being home every night and where travel was only of the fun vacation kind. My promotion finally fell into place after a year and a half delay and I felt more optimistic that I could continue on for the next 3-5 years with the same company. I attended an inspirational future leaders conference for women in my company and was further encouraged about the next steps. A big milestone is on the horizon in January; I will be with my company for 10 years.
Nevertheless, in preparing for my annual review in October, I had the feeling that it might be time to move on. Staying with my current company means the next few years are a steep uphill climb if I want to make the next promotion. Plus, in the background, there is always the lingering thought that in town assignments are more a matter of luck than anything. While it worked out for me this year, it is always a gamble on what the next assignment might bring.
Even with that feeling of being ready for change, I decided to hold off on actively looking for a new job for another year or so. I was going through a bit of tough time with so many friends recently leaving Munich and, despite feeling at home and settled, was starting to wonder if I wanted to rebuild yet again, knowing the result will likely be the same, or if I should also consider leaving. Again, no firm idea or plan, just a sense that I needed to think about what I really wanted for the next few years and also what might make the most sense with my personal situation.
Mr. Kilt and I were talking about the next steps in our relationship. He had always made it clear that getting married and having kids were top priorities in his near future and we began to discuss moving in together, as well as the possibility of getting married next year and even how kids would fit into the picture. In a very academic way, this all sounded great. Mr. Kilt is a solid, down to earth, caring and fun person who has a lot to offer. Finally it seemed after putting a lot more emphasis on my personal life, things were coming together. Yet somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach, where intuition reigns, something felt a little off. Planning our future should have felt good but I felt trapped.
I told my gut to be quiet and leave me be but as December approached I was feeling more and more disconnected from everything and everyone. Somehow life had moved into auto-pilot and I felt like I was just going through the moves because it all got easy and comfortable. I argued with myself, isn't that what I wanted? To reach some kind of angst-free equilibrium and maybe even live happily ever after?
At the end of November, two things happened. First, my client approached me with a job offer. A permanent position in Munich, no travel, an excellent opportunity with a nice package. Second, a colleague who had become a friend opened up about his feelings for me and I knew immediately I couldn't just brush it off. I had always felt a connection with him but always chose to ignore it as I was focused on a future with Mr. Kilt.
After a well-orchestrated, carefully planned and executed year, I suddenly faced December with two major decisions starting me in the face, one for career and one for personal life. Another fork in the road when I least expected it, two forks actually, with far reaching implications. On a gut level, I knew what I wanted but my brain needed some time to catch up, double check and reassure, absorb it all and come to some kind of acceptance. My brain fought it for as long as it could but in the end I went with my instinct in both cases.
And so I come to the close of 2010, my decisions are made, and I am on a break to digest it all.
Truly a December to remember.
Posted from East Hampton
Life just generally calmed down. By the end of March, I had stopped traveling for work and could settle in to a more normal lifestyle of being home every night and where travel was only of the fun vacation kind. My promotion finally fell into place after a year and a half delay and I felt more optimistic that I could continue on for the next 3-5 years with the same company. I attended an inspirational future leaders conference for women in my company and was further encouraged about the next steps. A big milestone is on the horizon in January; I will be with my company for 10 years.
Nevertheless, in preparing for my annual review in October, I had the feeling that it might be time to move on. Staying with my current company means the next few years are a steep uphill climb if I want to make the next promotion. Plus, in the background, there is always the lingering thought that in town assignments are more a matter of luck than anything. While it worked out for me this year, it is always a gamble on what the next assignment might bring.
Even with that feeling of being ready for change, I decided to hold off on actively looking for a new job for another year or so. I was going through a bit of tough time with so many friends recently leaving Munich and, despite feeling at home and settled, was starting to wonder if I wanted to rebuild yet again, knowing the result will likely be the same, or if I should also consider leaving. Again, no firm idea or plan, just a sense that I needed to think about what I really wanted for the next few years and also what might make the most sense with my personal situation.
Mr. Kilt and I were talking about the next steps in our relationship. He had always made it clear that getting married and having kids were top priorities in his near future and we began to discuss moving in together, as well as the possibility of getting married next year and even how kids would fit into the picture. In a very academic way, this all sounded great. Mr. Kilt is a solid, down to earth, caring and fun person who has a lot to offer. Finally it seemed after putting a lot more emphasis on my personal life, things were coming together. Yet somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach, where intuition reigns, something felt a little off. Planning our future should have felt good but I felt trapped.
I told my gut to be quiet and leave me be but as December approached I was feeling more and more disconnected from everything and everyone. Somehow life had moved into auto-pilot and I felt like I was just going through the moves because it all got easy and comfortable. I argued with myself, isn't that what I wanted? To reach some kind of angst-free equilibrium and maybe even live happily ever after?
At the end of November, two things happened. First, my client approached me with a job offer. A permanent position in Munich, no travel, an excellent opportunity with a nice package. Second, a colleague who had become a friend opened up about his feelings for me and I knew immediately I couldn't just brush it off. I had always felt a connection with him but always chose to ignore it as I was focused on a future with Mr. Kilt.
After a well-orchestrated, carefully planned and executed year, I suddenly faced December with two major decisions starting me in the face, one for career and one for personal life. Another fork in the road when I least expected it, two forks actually, with far reaching implications. On a gut level, I knew what I wanted but my brain needed some time to catch up, double check and reassure, absorb it all and come to some kind of acceptance. My brain fought it for as long as it could but in the end I went with my instinct in both cases.
And so I come to the close of 2010, my decisions are made, and I am on a break to digest it all.
Truly a December to remember.
Posted from East Hampton
19.7.10
In the Airport
Sometimes changes happen with a big bang, altering life as you know it in a moment. Other times, changes sneak their way into your life, subtly shifting the sands around until one day you are struck by the change in the landscape. What you knew so well and for so long has been replaced by something altogether new.
I always was a little bit afraid of what would happen to me if I eased off on my relentless travel and work schedule, even while I knew logically that if I ever wanted a different life from the one I was living I would have to give it up. I was worried I would become boring or bored and I wondered what satisfaction I would find if I shifted my energy to my personal life.
Many people would probably thing it is ridiculous to get so much enjoyment out of professional achievements at the expense of stability in personal life, but I thrived on it. Getting the final sign off on my doctorate, finishing my first project as a team member, then as a team lead, then moving on and achieving even more in an international setting than I ever would have believed possible gave me a lot of happiness. Sure, the cost was always high. A trail of destruction in my friendships, my relationships and even a brief marriage was left in my wake as I continuously set off for the next adventure. I never saw at the time what I was doing; it just seemed to all implode on its own over and over again.
During a cold, lonely winter in Zürich something finally started to click. I was devoting far too much energy to achievement for the sake of achievement. Something echoed in my head over and over during that winter, a line from the last argument M. and I ever had. 'Do you want to be in your 50s, single and no family, working on yet another crazy project, living somewhere like Hong Kong?'
I pondered that question a lot in the winter of 2009. Sometimes I could really see that as my future. Traveling the globe, climbing the corporate ladder, dependent on no one. But then what? If that all came to pass, would I really look back at my life and be happy with how I lived it? Independence, strength and self-sufficiency are all good things but are they worth it at the exclusion of the many other things life has to offer?
As often is the case, even when I started to feel that perhaps it was time for a change, life doesn't just fall into place at that moment. My motto may have become 'Underachieve at work and enjoy life more' but old habits die hard.
I moved back to Munich while starting another challenging project in Geneva that then took me to England and the Netherlands at first and then off to Mexico. Next thing I knew over a year had passed since the breakup with M. and on the surface little seemed to have changed.
Mexico felt special to me at the time. I embraced the time there and felt very sad when I decided to leave prematurely and roll the dice on finding a new project closer to home. It seemed I had the feeling of saying farewell to more than just a stint in Mexico. I was saying goodbye to a way of life I had lived for nearly 10 years.
In the background, some things were happening that did not seem so significant at first glance. After a long wait I had found and moved into a new apartment in Munich. I started dating Mr. Kilt. Meanwhile my boss encouraged me to hold out for the very slim possibility of some work in Munich, despite some tempting opportunities in Paris and Switzerland. I mean, Paris...it took all my will power to say no.
Last weekend I found myself in the airport for the first time in what seemed like ages. This trip had nothing to do with work. I was off to another weekend in Scotland with Mr. Kilt, for a wedding. Sitting in the airport, I remembered the life I was already forgetting.
Packing took longer than usual because I was out of practice. My suitcase was dusty. No need to stress about landing, meeting 50 strangers and immediately trying to figure out how to work with them and motivate them to deliver the impossible project in the impossible timeline. I wasn't leaving my man behind for the 30th week in a row; he was right by my side, as he is most days of the week, keeping me company, making me smile and filling up my heart and my life with all those things I was never sure I wanted. I try every day to do the same for him.
I don't feel bored or unsatisfied without the travel. In fact, I don't think about it at all. I still have plenty of challenging work. Less would be just fine actually.
Mr. Kilt and I boarded the plane together with a herd of other summer tourists. I smiled as I realized I don't miss that old life one little bit.
Posted from Munich
I always was a little bit afraid of what would happen to me if I eased off on my relentless travel and work schedule, even while I knew logically that if I ever wanted a different life from the one I was living I would have to give it up. I was worried I would become boring or bored and I wondered what satisfaction I would find if I shifted my energy to my personal life.
Many people would probably thing it is ridiculous to get so much enjoyment out of professional achievements at the expense of stability in personal life, but I thrived on it. Getting the final sign off on my doctorate, finishing my first project as a team member, then as a team lead, then moving on and achieving even more in an international setting than I ever would have believed possible gave me a lot of happiness. Sure, the cost was always high. A trail of destruction in my friendships, my relationships and even a brief marriage was left in my wake as I continuously set off for the next adventure. I never saw at the time what I was doing; it just seemed to all implode on its own over and over again.
During a cold, lonely winter in Zürich something finally started to click. I was devoting far too much energy to achievement for the sake of achievement. Something echoed in my head over and over during that winter, a line from the last argument M. and I ever had. 'Do you want to be in your 50s, single and no family, working on yet another crazy project, living somewhere like Hong Kong?'
I pondered that question a lot in the winter of 2009. Sometimes I could really see that as my future. Traveling the globe, climbing the corporate ladder, dependent on no one. But then what? If that all came to pass, would I really look back at my life and be happy with how I lived it? Independence, strength and self-sufficiency are all good things but are they worth it at the exclusion of the many other things life has to offer?
As often is the case, even when I started to feel that perhaps it was time for a change, life doesn't just fall into place at that moment. My motto may have become 'Underachieve at work and enjoy life more' but old habits die hard.
I moved back to Munich while starting another challenging project in Geneva that then took me to England and the Netherlands at first and then off to Mexico. Next thing I knew over a year had passed since the breakup with M. and on the surface little seemed to have changed.
Mexico felt special to me at the time. I embraced the time there and felt very sad when I decided to leave prematurely and roll the dice on finding a new project closer to home. It seemed I had the feeling of saying farewell to more than just a stint in Mexico. I was saying goodbye to a way of life I had lived for nearly 10 years.
In the background, some things were happening that did not seem so significant at first glance. After a long wait I had found and moved into a new apartment in Munich. I started dating Mr. Kilt. Meanwhile my boss encouraged me to hold out for the very slim possibility of some work in Munich, despite some tempting opportunities in Paris and Switzerland. I mean, Paris...it took all my will power to say no.
Last weekend I found myself in the airport for the first time in what seemed like ages. This trip had nothing to do with work. I was off to another weekend in Scotland with Mr. Kilt, for a wedding. Sitting in the airport, I remembered the life I was already forgetting.
Packing took longer than usual because I was out of practice. My suitcase was dusty. No need to stress about landing, meeting 50 strangers and immediately trying to figure out how to work with them and motivate them to deliver the impossible project in the impossible timeline. I wasn't leaving my man behind for the 30th week in a row; he was right by my side, as he is most days of the week, keeping me company, making me smile and filling up my heart and my life with all those things I was never sure I wanted. I try every day to do the same for him.
I don't feel bored or unsatisfied without the travel. In fact, I don't think about it at all. I still have plenty of challenging work. Less would be just fine actually.
Mr. Kilt and I boarded the plane together with a herd of other summer tourists. I smiled as I realized I don't miss that old life one little bit.
Posted from Munich
15.4.10
At Least It's Not Boring
I think I read somewhere once that the body perceives good and bad stress much the same way. To be honest, after all the internal and external pressure I have had over the last years, I don't get too wound up about a lot of things anymore.
This week though, I have had sweaty palms, restless nights and a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Yet all of it seems to be from the good kind of stress so I think maybe it is true about how the body responds to all stress.
There is a lot of newness in my life right now.
I started my new 'project' in Munich last week. However, this is completely different than anything I have done before. I have moved from delivery focused project management to sales and account management. I am fascinated by the entrepreneurial aspects of what I am doing and feel enthusiastic about the opportunity. At the same time, I am largely on my own, in uncharted territory and not only do I have to figure out what is I should be trying to achieve but also how. Part of the time I feel like I am fumbling around in the dark or running in circles and I am relying almost all on intuition now. I have to take a step back each morning and evening, pull out my compass and check if I seem to have headed in the right direction or I need to backtrack and try something new. When I see any progress, however big or small, it is thrilling because I can see the direct result of my effort and creativity. But I also feel a lot of accountability if something goes wrong. Sum of it all though is that I love trying this oh so very new thing.
Someone shared a favorite quote of hers with me a few weeks ago and it seems very appropriate right now.
'Leap and your net will appear.' Good stress.
On the relationship front, I am also in new territory. Sure I have had plenty of relationships before. But this one seems different. The more I get to know Mr. Kilt, the more I like, respect and trust him. I never have to say 'but' about him. You know what I mean.
He's great, but...
I think he likes me, but...
We have a lot in common, but...
There is no but. I just enjoy him, his attitude, how he treats me, doing nice things for him, and making plans for the future with him.
It's good and it's exciting. A girl gets butterflies from something like that.
We have a week in Scotland booked for the first week in May and now are planning 16 days in the US around Labor Day. I'm going to show him around a bit and introduce him to the friends and family. Good stress!
All of that would probably be fine but then I really went and did it yesterday. I thought she was joking. However, the woman who designed my dirndls is doing her annual fashion show of her 2010 collection and has asked me to walk in it. And I agreed. I have NEVER done anything like that! So in just over a week I will spend 8 hours getting primped, trained on runway walking and squeezed into one or more dirndls to strut my stuff in front of 500 people. I keep thinking of the SATC episode with the runway catastrophe and am hoping I can stay on my feet.
Now I really am stressed.
Posted from Munich
This week though, I have had sweaty palms, restless nights and a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Yet all of it seems to be from the good kind of stress so I think maybe it is true about how the body responds to all stress.
There is a lot of newness in my life right now.
I started my new 'project' in Munich last week. However, this is completely different than anything I have done before. I have moved from delivery focused project management to sales and account management. I am fascinated by the entrepreneurial aspects of what I am doing and feel enthusiastic about the opportunity. At the same time, I am largely on my own, in uncharted territory and not only do I have to figure out what is I should be trying to achieve but also how. Part of the time I feel like I am fumbling around in the dark or running in circles and I am relying almost all on intuition now. I have to take a step back each morning and evening, pull out my compass and check if I seem to have headed in the right direction or I need to backtrack and try something new. When I see any progress, however big or small, it is thrilling because I can see the direct result of my effort and creativity. But I also feel a lot of accountability if something goes wrong. Sum of it all though is that I love trying this oh so very new thing.
Someone shared a favorite quote of hers with me a few weeks ago and it seems very appropriate right now.
'Leap and your net will appear.' Good stress.
On the relationship front, I am also in new territory. Sure I have had plenty of relationships before. But this one seems different. The more I get to know Mr. Kilt, the more I like, respect and trust him. I never have to say 'but' about him. You know what I mean.
He's great, but...
I think he likes me, but...
We have a lot in common, but...
There is no but. I just enjoy him, his attitude, how he treats me, doing nice things for him, and making plans for the future with him.
It's good and it's exciting. A girl gets butterflies from something like that.
We have a week in Scotland booked for the first week in May and now are planning 16 days in the US around Labor Day. I'm going to show him around a bit and introduce him to the friends and family. Good stress!
All of that would probably be fine but then I really went and did it yesterday. I thought she was joking. However, the woman who designed my dirndls is doing her annual fashion show of her 2010 collection and has asked me to walk in it. And I agreed. I have NEVER done anything like that! So in just over a week I will spend 8 hours getting primped, trained on runway walking and squeezed into one or more dirndls to strut my stuff in front of 500 people. I keep thinking of the SATC episode with the runway catastrophe and am hoping I can stay on my feet.
Now I really am stressed.
Posted from Munich
1.1.10
2010
My month off is drawing to a close and oh what a ride it has been!
In early December I arrived back in Munich from Mexico full of big plans and very much looking forward to a break filled with friends, family, a new boyfriend and fun. The first week I spent as much time as possible with my Munich friends and working on my much neglected apartment. I celebrated another birthday and as far as those things go when you reach a certain age it was a nice one. I celebrated the night before with some of my friends to toast in the day and the next evening with my boyfriend over a nice dinner and bottle of wine.
The second week saw the arrival of my sister and her boyfriend. I had tears in my eyes when they arrived at the airport. Three years since they had been here and I was so excited to see them in town and show them around during the Christmas season. The weather took a turn for the cold, then colder but we also had a full week of beautiful snow. We went hiking, sledding, skiing in Austria, tested out glühwein and feuerzangenbowle, visited the famous Hofbrauhaus and less famous bars, ate Bavarian food, shopped for yarn, ornaments and my very first Christmas tree and generally a good time was had by all. All too fast it was over and we were flying out on the 19th back to the US.
I spent one week in Connecticut with my family and also trying to keep up with the Facebook phenomenon - seeing old friends who I have become reacquainted with due to Facebook. Perhaps I will write up a bit of those experiences at a later date.
I cooked Christmas Eve (bleu-cheese crusted filet mignon, apple and gorgonzola salad and scalloped potatoes) and Christmas day (appetizers, turkey, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, homemade cranberry sauces, green beans, caramel apple pie) dinners. Poor Dad volunteered to do all the food shopping with me not realizing how slow and painful I am with that stuff. Mom and I did our traditional spa/girl-bonding day. I visited all my grandparents and my aunt. I even found some time to photograph and play with all the cats my friends and family own. By all accounts a good visit, although it is always a bit sad to leave again.
I arrived back in Munich this past Sunday very much looking forward to the New Year build up and party. For a few months now my friend C. from Norway had planned to come spend a few days in Munich. Two other friends, married to each other, were also planning on visiting for a couple of days although a personal situation and some travel problems kept them from joining. As hectic as everything had been with visits and travel, I hadn't seen or heard too much from the new boyfriend and was looking forward to some time with him too. We had planned to join all the friends up and spend New Year's together at one of the big brauhaus's in town and I anticipated a very fun time for the gang.
However, on returning I got that kind of 'something is off' feeling from Mr. New BF. He was acting very aloof and despite not having seen much of each the last couple of weeks, he didn't seem to be too anxious to see me when I returned. I chalked it up to the fact that he had his own visitors in town and was running them around sightseeing, snowboarding and the usual drill. My friend C. arrived and we got busy with our own plans. She had never been to Munich although we have been friends for a few years now. Despite the cold rainy weather, I wanted to at least show her some of the beauty and charm of Munich.
I have to say that New Year's is my least favorite holiday as a general rule. It makes people a bit too crazy in my opinion. Everyone tries to take stock of their lives, assess the year past, make goals for the future year and the Life Happiness Barometer is out. There is a lot of anxiety around the plans for the actual night with the exception of the few who just choose not to deal with it at all. And I have seen way too many NYE plans falling short or over the top, in the end leading to disappointment, arguments, and much money spent on a letdown.
Being the overthinker that I am, I did my personal 2009 assessment and found that while there were some highlights, it wasn't really my best year. I spent a lot of it coping. Coping with the aftermath of my breakup with M., coping with a somewhat disappointing year in my career, coping with short term apartments, frequent moves, lots of long distance travel, and coping with a general sense that my life had become kind of aimless and lonely. Yes, I wasn't too unhappy to see 2009 in the rearview mirror.
I realized there were some good things about 2009 too though. First and foremost, the decision to come back to Munich, get a home base and start putting down some roots was the best part. Seeing those seeds I planted start to grow as I learn more about the city, make more friends and feel like there is some anchor in my life has been worth the fight.
As New Year's Eve day started I made peace with my mixed feelings on 2009 and looked forward to the evening ahead and the start of 2010. Then the other shoe dropped. Mr. New Boyfriend decided to call it quits on us. There are not too many words to express how I felt yesterday when the rug was pulled out from under me. Even though I sensed something was not right, I thought once we got past the holidays we could reconnect and see how things would go. However, with things just getting started, there wasn't enough of a foundation to see us through the last weeks, at least on his side.
So I did what I do when these things happen. I went for a long run. I didn't spend too much time trying to find an explanation or criticizing him or myself. There was too much of that already this past year. I just wanted to clear my head, accept it and start the process of moving on.
I was a bit in the lurch too about what to do for NYE. With my friend in town, I still wanted to have a fun night, as much as possible but it is not easy in Munich to just drum something up a few hours ahead of time. There is much to be said about serendipity though. After a couple of hours getting dolled up with my hairdresser, who did our hair, makeup and generally pumped up our mood with his flirtation, flattery and funny outlook on life, we soon found ourselves having dinner with a bunch of Scots at one of my friend's houses. Haggis anyone? And can you not help but feel a little better listening to a bunch of Scottish accents and wit? From there we headed off to P1, where we had managed to get on the guest list for their masquerade ball. I still had never been to the famous P1 and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. We donned our masks and headed into what has to be one of the coolest clubs I have ever been to. We stayed there for champagne toasts, then watched their amazing fireworks display outside. An hour later we headed through the streets of Baghdad, err I mean post-midnight Munich, to my favorite bar for a bit more dancing and to catch up with more friends. It was, all things considered, a good night and no tears shed, thank you.
So today the girls are coming over to enjoy a delicious smoked salmon my friend C. brought from Norway, served traditional Norwegian style. I will go for another run. And so the New Year starts....
Happy New Year everyone!! Much love, health, happiness and positivity for 2010!
Posted from my home in Munich
In early December I arrived back in Munich from Mexico full of big plans and very much looking forward to a break filled with friends, family, a new boyfriend and fun. The first week I spent as much time as possible with my Munich friends and working on my much neglected apartment. I celebrated another birthday and as far as those things go when you reach a certain age it was a nice one. I celebrated the night before with some of my friends to toast in the day and the next evening with my boyfriend over a nice dinner and bottle of wine.
The second week saw the arrival of my sister and her boyfriend. I had tears in my eyes when they arrived at the airport. Three years since they had been here and I was so excited to see them in town and show them around during the Christmas season. The weather took a turn for the cold, then colder but we also had a full week of beautiful snow. We went hiking, sledding, skiing in Austria, tested out glühwein and feuerzangenbowle, visited the famous Hofbrauhaus and less famous bars, ate Bavarian food, shopped for yarn, ornaments and my very first Christmas tree and generally a good time was had by all. All too fast it was over and we were flying out on the 19th back to the US.
I spent one week in Connecticut with my family and also trying to keep up with the Facebook phenomenon - seeing old friends who I have become reacquainted with due to Facebook. Perhaps I will write up a bit of those experiences at a later date.
I cooked Christmas Eve (bleu-cheese crusted filet mignon, apple and gorgonzola salad and scalloped potatoes) and Christmas day (appetizers, turkey, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, homemade cranberry sauces, green beans, caramel apple pie) dinners. Poor Dad volunteered to do all the food shopping with me not realizing how slow and painful I am with that stuff. Mom and I did our traditional spa/girl-bonding day. I visited all my grandparents and my aunt. I even found some time to photograph and play with all the cats my friends and family own. By all accounts a good visit, although it is always a bit sad to leave again.
I arrived back in Munich this past Sunday very much looking forward to the New Year build up and party. For a few months now my friend C. from Norway had planned to come spend a few days in Munich. Two other friends, married to each other, were also planning on visiting for a couple of days although a personal situation and some travel problems kept them from joining. As hectic as everything had been with visits and travel, I hadn't seen or heard too much from the new boyfriend and was looking forward to some time with him too. We had planned to join all the friends up and spend New Year's together at one of the big brauhaus's in town and I anticipated a very fun time for the gang.
However, on returning I got that kind of 'something is off' feeling from Mr. New BF. He was acting very aloof and despite not having seen much of each the last couple of weeks, he didn't seem to be too anxious to see me when I returned. I chalked it up to the fact that he had his own visitors in town and was running them around sightseeing, snowboarding and the usual drill. My friend C. arrived and we got busy with our own plans. She had never been to Munich although we have been friends for a few years now. Despite the cold rainy weather, I wanted to at least show her some of the beauty and charm of Munich.
I have to say that New Year's is my least favorite holiday as a general rule. It makes people a bit too crazy in my opinion. Everyone tries to take stock of their lives, assess the year past, make goals for the future year and the Life Happiness Barometer is out. There is a lot of anxiety around the plans for the actual night with the exception of the few who just choose not to deal with it at all. And I have seen way too many NYE plans falling short or over the top, in the end leading to disappointment, arguments, and much money spent on a letdown.
Being the overthinker that I am, I did my personal 2009 assessment and found that while there were some highlights, it wasn't really my best year. I spent a lot of it coping. Coping with the aftermath of my breakup with M., coping with a somewhat disappointing year in my career, coping with short term apartments, frequent moves, lots of long distance travel, and coping with a general sense that my life had become kind of aimless and lonely. Yes, I wasn't too unhappy to see 2009 in the rearview mirror.
I realized there were some good things about 2009 too though. First and foremost, the decision to come back to Munich, get a home base and start putting down some roots was the best part. Seeing those seeds I planted start to grow as I learn more about the city, make more friends and feel like there is some anchor in my life has been worth the fight.
As New Year's Eve day started I made peace with my mixed feelings on 2009 and looked forward to the evening ahead and the start of 2010. Then the other shoe dropped. Mr. New Boyfriend decided to call it quits on us. There are not too many words to express how I felt yesterday when the rug was pulled out from under me. Even though I sensed something was not right, I thought once we got past the holidays we could reconnect and see how things would go. However, with things just getting started, there wasn't enough of a foundation to see us through the last weeks, at least on his side.
So I did what I do when these things happen. I went for a long run. I didn't spend too much time trying to find an explanation or criticizing him or myself. There was too much of that already this past year. I just wanted to clear my head, accept it and start the process of moving on.
I was a bit in the lurch too about what to do for NYE. With my friend in town, I still wanted to have a fun night, as much as possible but it is not easy in Munich to just drum something up a few hours ahead of time. There is much to be said about serendipity though. After a couple of hours getting dolled up with my hairdresser, who did our hair, makeup and generally pumped up our mood with his flirtation, flattery and funny outlook on life, we soon found ourselves having dinner with a bunch of Scots at one of my friend's houses. Haggis anyone? And can you not help but feel a little better listening to a bunch of Scottish accents and wit? From there we headed off to P1, where we had managed to get on the guest list for their masquerade ball. I still had never been to the famous P1 and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. We donned our masks and headed into what has to be one of the coolest clubs I have ever been to. We stayed there for champagne toasts, then watched their amazing fireworks display outside. An hour later we headed through the streets of Baghdad, err I mean post-midnight Munich, to my favorite bar for a bit more dancing and to catch up with more friends. It was, all things considered, a good night and no tears shed, thank you.
So today the girls are coming over to enjoy a delicious smoked salmon my friend C. brought from Norway, served traditional Norwegian style. I will go for another run. And so the New Year starts....
Happy New Year everyone!! Much love, health, happiness and positivity for 2010!
Posted from my home in Munich
25.11.09
Looking Forward
I am back in Mexico once again.
This time it's a shorter trip. I arrived Monday night and will leave on Thursday December 3.
Unfortunately it has gotten a bit more unpleasant this time as the stress levels of many are increasing and the tempers are flaring. Frequent outbursts and shouting matches are becoming more common.
So, as I do during these times to keep my own cool, I take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Context and perspective are everything or you become one of the madmen yourself.
Fortunately for me I am looking ahead to a nice long holiday period to cap off the completion of another project. From December 4 to January 4 I am hanging the 'Gone Fishin' sign on my door, turning off the mobile and the laptop (for work related purposes) and taking a time out.
As much as I like my job, it's been a stressful year and with more and more frequency I have been getting ill and finding it harder to shake it off and recover. That means it's time to decompress from the hyperintensive demands of my job.
So what am I doing with this time off? Quite simply, spending it with friends and family. No exotic trips. No adventures. Just time with loved ones.
This time it's a shorter trip. I arrived Monday night and will leave on Thursday December 3.
Unfortunately it has gotten a bit more unpleasant this time as the stress levels of many are increasing and the tempers are flaring. Frequent outbursts and shouting matches are becoming more common.
So, as I do during these times to keep my own cool, I take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Context and perspective are everything or you become one of the madmen yourself.
Fortunately for me I am looking ahead to a nice long holiday period to cap off the completion of another project. From December 4 to January 4 I am hanging the 'Gone Fishin' sign on my door, turning off the mobile and the laptop (for work related purposes) and taking a time out.
As much as I like my job, it's been a stressful year and with more and more frequency I have been getting ill and finding it harder to shake it off and recover. That means it's time to decompress from the hyperintensive demands of my job.
So what am I doing with this time off? Quite simply, spending it with friends and family. No exotic trips. No adventures. Just time with loved ones.
*Champagne Brunch and Secret Santa with my SATC Girls*
*Christmas Market Carousing with my Sis and her BF in Munich*
*Roly Poly Fat Cat Randy Reunion*
*Spa Silliness with Mom*
*Christmas in Connecticut*
*A Very Bavarian New Year's Eve*
*A Little German Style Birthday Gathering*
*And...Some Time with My Boyfriend*
*Christmas Market Carousing with my Sis and her BF in Munich*
*Roly Poly Fat Cat Randy Reunion*
*Spa Silliness with Mom*
*Christmas in Connecticut*
*A Very Bavarian New Year's Eve*
*A Little German Style Birthday Gathering*
*And...Some Time with My Boyfriend*
Yeah, that's right. I said boyfriend.
Posted from Cuernavaca
20.11.08
The Urge to Pair Up
It's no wonder that the last thing on my mind right now is dating, but I can't help but notice that if you are single for more than 10 minutes, people immediately assume it's time to fix that problem. Just like if you are dating someone for more than 10 minutes, they want to know what your plans are and when are you getting married. It doesn't end there. Once married, the questioning turns to when will you have kids. And of course, once you have kids the cycle starts to repeat itself on them.
When I happen to point out in these various circumstances that I am happy with the way things are, the reaction is always dismay, disbelief and the aggressive pursuit of convincing me that I am wrong. It's nice that other people are interested in my happiness and flattering that they want to help, but I actually think this pushing is more about them than me.
Whether for their entertainment or some kind of self-validation of their own personal status, it is always kind of funny to listen to all the arguments why I should date, get married, have kids and so on. I quietly wonder if they are trying to convince me or themselves.
So it has started again. A year ago all the talk was when would M. and I get married. Now it is all about Let's Find You a Man. Resumes are being collected, phone calls being made and the arranged 'accidental' bringing together of the single people to see what happens has commenced.
Seriously. Stop. The. Madness.
In other happenings, some of my former colleagues in Singapore called me yesterday to tell me they have a good spot on their project there if I want to put my name in for it. It really doesn't look promising to stay in Europe now as things get slower and slower and I am surprisingly (to myself) not too set against going back to Asia. For sure I would really prefer to stay here but it is better to be employed in Asia than unemployed in my parent's basement (though they may beg to differ).
We'll see how things shape up in the next couple of days.
Posted from Zürich
When I happen to point out in these various circumstances that I am happy with the way things are, the reaction is always dismay, disbelief and the aggressive pursuit of convincing me that I am wrong. It's nice that other people are interested in my happiness and flattering that they want to help, but I actually think this pushing is more about them than me.
Whether for their entertainment or some kind of self-validation of their own personal status, it is always kind of funny to listen to all the arguments why I should date, get married, have kids and so on. I quietly wonder if they are trying to convince me or themselves.
So it has started again. A year ago all the talk was when would M. and I get married. Now it is all about Let's Find You a Man. Resumes are being collected, phone calls being made and the arranged 'accidental' bringing together of the single people to see what happens has commenced.
Seriously. Stop. The. Madness.
In other happenings, some of my former colleagues in Singapore called me yesterday to tell me they have a good spot on their project there if I want to put my name in for it. It really doesn't look promising to stay in Europe now as things get slower and slower and I am surprisingly (to myself) not too set against going back to Asia. For sure I would really prefer to stay here but it is better to be employed in Asia than unemployed in my parent's basement (though they may beg to differ).
We'll see how things shape up in the next couple of days.
Posted from Zürich
9.5.07
Honey Do
In life there are the people who fill the ice cube tray and the people who don't. There are people who replace the toilet paper roll and people who leave it for the next one to drip dry or worse. Take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, refill the hand soap bottles, feed the pets, do the laundry, sort and toss the old mail - when you have a choice, you do it or don't depending on your inherent nature.
When you are living on your own, whatever your natural tendency, you temporarily step out of character as there is no one to pick up the slack. There are the telltale signs of your latent preference though. The laundry piles up for weeks and has been recycled countless times. The garbage always gets a little on the smelly side. The bills are paid a few days late month after month. In the end, we all have a tolerance level, and when something must be done, something is done.
In relationships, few ever take this into account when we search for our ideal mate. We start a life together, blissfully in love, and blissfully unaware of all of these quirks of each other's personality and the impact they may have on the relationship. We ask ourselves, is this the person for me? Does he make me happy? Could I count on her in good times and bad? Do we want the same things in life? These questions are all good and important too but that's the mile high view.
What if we asked the really tough questions? Once your socks hit the floor, will they ever overcome gravity and find their way elsewhere? Once you start the washing machine, will the clothese ever make it to the dryer before they dry in the washer? Do you ever fill the ice cube tray (or in Germany, are you aware you can make your very own ice at home if you want to and if we do, will you ever fill the ice cube tray?) Do you see a clean, flat surface as an invitation for clutter or a beauty to behold?
We are all on our best behavior at first and going the extra mile to make life as perfect as possible. Over time, we get to those questions and, in even more time, to the real answers. And then?
And then accept him or her for who he or she is because you will never change him or her. Ever. Appreciate him for what he does. Ask yourself if you could do more. And get used to taking the garbage out.
Posted from Basel
When you are living on your own, whatever your natural tendency, you temporarily step out of character as there is no one to pick up the slack. There are the telltale signs of your latent preference though. The laundry piles up for weeks and has been recycled countless times. The garbage always gets a little on the smelly side. The bills are paid a few days late month after month. In the end, we all have a tolerance level, and when something must be done, something is done.
In relationships, few ever take this into account when we search for our ideal mate. We start a life together, blissfully in love, and blissfully unaware of all of these quirks of each other's personality and the impact they may have on the relationship. We ask ourselves, is this the person for me? Does he make me happy? Could I count on her in good times and bad? Do we want the same things in life? These questions are all good and important too but that's the mile high view.
What if we asked the really tough questions? Once your socks hit the floor, will they ever overcome gravity and find their way elsewhere? Once you start the washing machine, will the clothese ever make it to the dryer before they dry in the washer? Do you ever fill the ice cube tray (or in Germany, are you aware you can make your very own ice at home if you want to and if we do, will you ever fill the ice cube tray?) Do you see a clean, flat surface as an invitation for clutter or a beauty to behold?
We are all on our best behavior at first and going the extra mile to make life as perfect as possible. Over time, we get to those questions and, in even more time, to the real answers. And then?
And then accept him or her for who he or she is because you will never change him or her. Ever. Appreciate him for what he does. Ask yourself if you could do more. And get used to taking the garbage out.
Posted from Basel
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