Pea Has Arrived

Pea is here!

He was born on September 14th at 18:41 CET by emergency c-section. Emergency c-section after 12 hours of labor, full dilation and beginning to push. Nothing like a dramatic entrance to the world!

I'm not sure I will post the full story as I am sure it is too much information for the blog but I think I will capture it for his baby scrapbook. I may come back to a few points that may be of interest for other expat women given birth in Germany at a later time. It was an amazing experience in all ways imaginable.

The highlight for sure was hearing the first cry (followed by the doctors announcing he already knows how to pee *snicker*). I elected to stay awake for the c-section as I wanted to meet that baby as soon as he came out of me. The Saffa was sitting by my head and all I was looking into his clear blue eyes, still encouraging, still supportive, as I could feel the doctors tugging Pea out of me and then I heard the cry and sure enough, I started to cry too. Within minutes they had done a quick check and given the ok and the Saffa, Pea and I were all huddled together, a new family, as they stitched me up. His little face was so beautiful and he seemed so aware, too aware for a newborn, and I was overjoyed and overwhelmed with emotion after a long, tough day.

We came home from the hospital on Monday and have been adjusting to our new life day by day. Life is good.

Posted from Munich

Baby Shower Cupcakes

Last night the Saffa and I did a little baking. He made his South African version of lemon meringue pie and got to experience firsthand the fun of trying to back one of his usual recipes in Germany. It looks delicious to me but didn't come out as he expected (been there, done that!). I made some cupcakes and we decorated together. Needless to say, both are not allowed on the diet but today we will have an exception for the shower. It's a gorgeous day in Munich; the crisp air feels like a first taste of autumn and I love that time of year. The only drawback is that the wasps are out in full force and we had a small invasion in the apartment this morning of about 10 wasps. Terrible!

Posted from Munich

The Final Countdown

The doctor confirmed yesterday that Pea is locked and loaded - baby's head is all the way down and as he said, 'He's waiting but not quite ready'. Tomorrow is 4 weeks until the September 16th due date, which seems to be the one day all the doctors agree the baby never comes on. It seems that one way or another in the next 4 and 1/2 weeks I will have this little baby because the doctor is not willing to let me go more than a few days past the due date because of the gestational diabetes. So, anyone care to make a guess on Pea's birthdate?

I thought I would take a few minutes to comment on my pregnancy and post-pregnancy team for those who are interested in who is involved and how in the months leading up to birth, who will attend the birth and what support you get in Germany after birth. I could think of no better term than team although they are all working independently from each other to a large extent but given the number of pokings and proddings and happy encouragement I am getting from all of them it definitely feels like a large support team.

First and foremost, is the Saffa. While no expert on pregnancy or childbirth, he does have the experience from his two older children and has been calm and supportive through the year, attending every doctor visit possible, keeping me busy and active, encouraging me and picking up some of the effort around the house, shopping, cooking and whatever else I couldn't manage at one point or another, and smoothing over rough patches. He's kept me smiling through the ups and downs and I can't imagine doing this without him.

The next member of the team is my gynecologist. She has been my doctor the last couple of years. I saw her for the first time during pregnancy about 2 weeks after my home pregnancy test and found her much friendlier and open than the normal German doctor, who is very clinical, has limited bedside manner and sends you packing with orders but no explanations or interest in your opinions on your health and or treatments. Standard protocol for each visit was an ultrasound to check the size and development of the baby, urine and blood tests, a question and answer session and explanation of any variations from that routine when needed. Visits were about once a month in the beginning and have become more frequent towards the end. In these final weeks, I go once a week. One thing that I think did not occur to her and where I assumed I would get more advice was on when and how to engage the other members of my team. I think it was a given to her that I knew what else to do and it was a given to me that she would alert me as to when to choose a midwife, a hospital, attend birthing classes, etc - as a result I was late on almost everything else as I stumbled across these things more by accident than anything. More on that later. I didn't always know even what questions I should be asking.

By far the two most expensive doctor's appointments I had were with a doctor specializing in pre-natal ultrasound. The first appointment I had with her was around the 13 week mark to perform a nuchal translucency screening (an examination that looks for soft markers for Down's syndrome). Combined with blood test screenings, the doctor gives you a result presented as odds you will have a baby with Down's Syndrome. There can be false positives and false negatives, so depending on the results you may elect to go on to an amnio for confirmation. I debated whether or not to have the test at all and barely got in before the 14 week cutoff due to this debate. I couldn't imagine I would really do anything different as a result but in the end decided that this non-invasive test would at least give me an idea of the odds and if high it would be worth to know in order to have time to understand and prepare for what was ahead. The second visit was for the detailed 20 week scan where she checked for everything possible from brain development, heart function, deformities, size and so on and impatient me could find out the sex of our baby. During both of these visits I felt conflicting emotions as I hoped everything was ok but at the same time was completely entranced with the images of our little baby on the big, high resolution screen. Truly beautiful and a moment of wonder and on the second visit both the Saffa and I were a bit teary eyed seeing Pea in so much detail. We were elated for days afterwards.

Next came the diabetes specialist. At the 26 week or so, the routinely given GTT (Glucose Tolerance Test) came back showing that I had gestational diabetes. I was sent off to a specialist to repeat the test with more accurate machinery and when this again came back positive, they quickly accommodated me with the dietician. The doctor and the dietician only spoke German but we managed fine and I was shown how to test my own blood, walked through a suitable diet and then left to record my sugar levels four times a day for a week with the modified diet. A follow up with the doctor showed that the diet was keeping the sugar levels under control and I was turned on my own to experiment a bit to extend the diet and monitor my levels, only needing to return if I saw my sugar levels creeping or spiking up. It's been a mixed blessing - I miss having sweets and carbs but haven't put on as much weight as I would have and generally have felt very good on the low carb, low sugar diet.

Around the 30th week I came to know that I was supposed to have a midwife. I suppose I was somewhat aware of this earlier but never really looked into what this was all about, when I needed to get one and how. After extensive reading and research, the first consideration when deciding on which midwife you would like to have on your team is whether or not you want the midwife present at your birth or not. Midwives in Germany perform a range of services from regular checkups similar to the doctor prior to birth, birthing and baby care classes, attendance of the birth and home visits to care for mother and baby after birth. If giving birth in a hospital, you will typically be attended by the hospital midwife staff so many women opt to have their midwife only for the pre- and post-birth services and work with the team at the hospital during the actual birth. If going for a home birth, birthing center or hospital birth you can also pay additional to have the same midwife present at the birth. My key advice and one of my lessons learned is that it is never too early to select a midwife. By the time I started calling through a long list of recommendations and listings for midwives who speak English around my 30th week, they universally agreed that I was way too late for selecting a mid-wife and the situation was made worse by it being holiday season in Bavaria so many were not even available in August. At this point, I decided I had no choice but to work with the midwife staff at the hospital as I was going to be lucky to get anyone at all. Finally two weeks ago after more calls than I can remember, a midwife center took pity on me and I now have a midwife for pre- and post-birth care. On top of that, other than having to interact in Denglish from time to time, I also happen to really like her. We meet once a week and she checks on my and the baby's health, answers any questions I have and performs acupuncture on me. The Germans, especially in the Munich area, are big believers in the use of acupuncture to help prepare the body for labor and also to shorten the overall labor and delivery time. For me the jury is out but I decided to give it a try and find the sessions very calming and meditative if nothing else. Once we are home from the hospital, she will come to my house 1-2 times a day up to 10 days after the birth to help with recovery, breast feeding and baby care. From 10 days after birth on, she will come less frequently over the following weeks to continue to help with any of those points and to make sure Pea is progressing normally.

Last, but not least, is my deliver doctor and the team at the hospital. A major difference from the US is that doctors are split into specialties by prenatal care and then those that focus on labor and delivery. So rather than have a doctor who will be with you the whole pregnancy and delivery (or at least another doctor from the practice), you have to select a doctor for the birth separately. My gynecologist recommended him and the hospital and the Saffa and I took a stroll by the hospital one evening - it is walking distance from our apartment and next door to a very nice beer garden. I knew right away that this was the place I wanted to go - the building is in a calm neighborhood, surrounded by big shade trees and dappled sun and it felt very peaceful there. We went back a few weeks later for the hospital information session and although it was all in German I could follow most of the presentation. I liked the doctor very much. He had an obvious passion for his work and there was a very friendly synergy between him and the other staff at the presentation. Yesterday the Saffa and I went to initiate the full registration, met the doctor 1:1 and had an examination with him to see how things are progressing. I liked his responses and philosophy on all the questions I asked and feel we made the right decision on hospital and doctor. The staff were also friendly but who we will have for the delivery will depend on who is on duty on the time so will have to reserve comments on that for a later post. I have a weekly mommy and mommy-to-be lunch and a few of the new mothers have given birth at the same hospital recently all agreed that they were very happy with the care they received there so I feel further reassured.

The last person I should mention is my birth preparation teacher. I found one who is American-German who offers classes in English and completed the class last weekend. She covered topics such as newborn baby care, as well as labor and delivery - from multiple angles such as preparation, breathing techniques, positions, what the body is doing during the whole process, what is normal and when you need to take urgent medical action and so on. I thought the class was very good and also found the instructor very encouraging. I have supplemented the class with a couple of books that helped reinforce my understanding of the process and options. I don't think you can be fully prepared from classes and some books but I am prepared as I think I can be and after some earlier fears am calmly and optimistically looking forward to the big day(s).

Posted from Munich

Expat Nesting

My maternity leave started a week ago. Although I know that I should be kicking back, relaxing and enjoying the last quiet moments of my life (according to friends anyway), it is hard to go from 240 km/h to idle after so many years. Last week I 'worked' a full week from home supporting my backfill and taking care of various odds and ends and I plan to continue at least part time the next couple of weeks. I am ready to let go and am grateful to have a colleague I have known for nearly 10 years from my former company backfilling me while I am out.

Another friend asked me last night if I am nesting yet. In the traditional sense, that hasn't hit me too hard so far. The Saffa and I did a more small steps approach to preparing for the baby over a longer stretch of time so we could savor the experience rather than be overwhelmed. We have clothing, an awesome pram (I can't believe the Saffa has me calling it a pram now), almost everything for the hospital bag assembled, the nursery is painted, critical furniture is bought, birthing class is finished, midwife has been found, hospital selected and so on. We have narrowed down the Pea's potential names to two options, one we chose two weeks after I found out I was pregnant and the other that seems to fit Pea's pre-birth 'personality' a little better - final decision will be after birth. Mom's ticket is booked to come over for 10 days in October. All in all quite a bit has come together and I thought we were ready.

This weekend the Saffa was on his annual camping trip in the UK with his two older children so I had some time. And google. And therein lies the problem. What started as a simple query to find out how we can get Pea an American passport for our trip to the US over Christmas and New Year has resulted in my entrapment in a tangled web of internet information and misinformation around Pea's options for nationality, passports, birth certificates and extra documents needed because both parents are expats, divorced, and (horrors) not married (yet). Most worrying of all, it looks like Pea can never run for US president! Ok, I joke on the last point but nevertheless I seem to have opened a nasty can of worms.

My hormones conspired to increase my anxiety by prompting me then to look into Pea's health insurance options, daycare options, how to apply for my and Pea's benefits and soon enough, the spin out was complete. Well done on my part!

So, a taste of the fun that has just begun:

As a short background, we have potentially four options for Pea's nationality (US, British, German and South African). I wanted Pea to have American citizenship no matter what, no question, as there are various situations I could imagine where Pea would want/or need it. I also thought it would be a good idea for Pea to have dual citizenship and after discussion with the Saffa, who had no strong preference to go for South African citizenship, we decided an EU citizenship would be most beneficial in providing additional options (so either German or British, preference British).

As mentioned, while having a little time on my hands this weekend, I decided to look into what is required to take care of the American citizenship. I went to our friendly Munich consulate webpage and found out that it is not a given that Pea will be an American citizen. Huh?! Brief panic attack.

After more extensive researching of all the relevant links on the State Department's website, it seems for our specific case we need:

• Application for Consular Report of Birth
• US Passport Application Form
• US Social Security Application Form
• German Birth Certificate
• Both of Our Passports
• Both of Our Divorce Decrees
• Evidence I lived in the US
• German Acknowledgement of Paternity (Vaterschaftsanerkennung)*
• German Statement Regarding Custody (Sorgerechterklärung)*

Once I could boil down all the info and compare some anecdotes on the internet it doesn't seem to be too bad actually but it took awhile to get to that point. We are missing some of the Saffa's documentation so he now is on the mission to acquire them. The only stress there is how long some of it will take to gather. Some websites actually suggest bribes as the only means to get a copy of a South African birth certificate in the next year, for example!

I have no clue how to get the last two items so need to check into those more but they surface again in other places due to the way German law works around paternity rights and obligations for unmarried couples. (Sidenote, we plan to get married and it might seem easier just to do it before Pea is born but don't even get me started on what would be required in Germany for two expats, both previously married, to get a marriage license and certificate in Germany - no chance to make that happen before Pea is born).

The gathering of info and documents to get other documents is similar across the board for all the things Pea needs. Only way I can deal with this bureaucracy, the internet confusion and language challenges is by breaking it down step by step in a trusty excel spreadsheet. The Saffa's approach is to make phone calls. Easier and faster but I have been caught out in the past when I actually show up and the story has changed.

I feel like I can't relax until everything is clear and sorted. Is this a special version (expat style) of nesting instinct or just another bout of German and International bureaucracy anxiety attack?

We will get there step-by-step and hopefully are not way too late with anything!

* Bonuses for not being married, otherwise we would only need a marriage certificate.

The Great Cornholio

I have a recurring vision of the Saffa coming home from work one evening to find me running around the house Beavis style, in a sugar induced frenzy, shouting 'I am the Great Cornholio, I need teepee for my...' well, you know the rest. Or maybe he'll find a more Dewey-from-Malcolm-in-the-Middle sugar reaction. 'You gave Dewey sugar, didn't you?' as Dewey looks on crazy-eyed and salivating. Or sitting on the floor in the corner of the kitchen like some horror movie version of myself lost in a bowl of cookie dough and wild streaks of brownie batter like blood in my hair, smeared on the walls and down the front of my shirt. Because I am dying for some sugar and carbohydrates. And I am afraid I am going to go on a binge after so many weeks of playing by the rules. I can think of nothing better than a pile of brownies, cupcakes and let's throw in a naan bread and a banana split for good measure.

Controlling gestational diabetes through diet has worked extremely well for the last weeks. I have had will power like I have never had before and been staying with the diet with the exception of sharing half a piece of apple cobbler with the Saffa after dinner one night. Blood readings are well under range with the exception of when I have natural yogurt. This seems to set it a bit on the high side for whatever reason.

Mmmm, apple cobbler. I can still taste it, it was the highlight of the last month and a half. The Saffa is lucky he didn't get injured trying to eat his share of that piece of cake as I had subliminal urges to stab him with my fork every time he went for a bite. He didn't know how much he was tempting fate.

It's not that the basic diabetes diet varies so much from my normal diet. I tend to have a varied diet but I did have to reduce my carbs from some to almost none and cold turkey on the sweet treats. I'm happy I am doing everything I can for a healthy baby but without any fixes and being pregnant on top, the cravings are building and building and the last week or two I am becoming irritable. I want something sweet or at least starchy. A piece of forbidden pizza. A milkshake. A Snickers bar. Even some french fries with ketchup. Oh yum.

If you see a streak with a big belly whizzing by and your ice cream cone goes missing from your hand, I'm sorry. I really am. I just couldn't control it any longer.

Posted from Munich

Maternity Shoot

I wasn't so sure about this idea but in the end really glad we did it. A friend of mine who is a photographer suggested a few months ago that we do a maternity shoot and after giving it some thought (and waiting for a bigger belly) I agreed to give it a go. I had an outdoor summer sunset in fields of tall grass kind of idea in mind but good old Munich weather made us change our plans last minute and go for an indoor studio shoot.

The Saffa and I did some brainstorming and shopping on Saturday to get some clothes and props and then on Sunday evening headed over to my friend's house to see what we could do. It was a fun evening - my friend, his girlfriend, the Saffa, myself, and an aspiring make-up artist, - took it easy, with snacks and wine (ok, water for me) and tried different outfits, lighting, poses and it was all nice and relaxed like just hanging out with friends while being photographed feeling only slightly smaller than a cow. Good fun!

We waiting eagerly for the photos to be cleaned up and they were already in our inbox this morning. We must have looked at them a hundred times today...as much as I would rather be the photographer than the photographed I am so glad we did this!

Posted from Munich

What's for Breakfast?

A little over two weeks ago I went in for one of my scheduled OB appointments and had my glucose screening test, standard procedure nowadays between 24-28 weeks of pregnancy. After the test and ultrasound, we had our normal consultation and Q&A session and I was given the news for the first time in any of my check ups that everything was not normal. My blood iron had dropped too low and my response to the glucose test indicated I had gestational diabetes. I was handed the card of a specialist and a prescription for iron pills and left the office feeling extensively guilty. The doctor was encouraging that with a follow on to a specialist and a controlled diet I would almost certainly be able to get the diabetes under control and limit any impact to Pea. However, I had just returned from Stockholm where the Saffa and I had overindulged in our eating and I was having flashbacks to earlier in the pregnancy where I had eaten a varied diet that also included sweets and wondered if I had brought this on myself. I started the pregnancy at a healthy weight and have gained only within reasonable boundaries but there I was anyway.

The earliest the specialist could see me was yesterday. In those two weeks between, the Saffa and I did a lot of research online (I know, tsk tsk) and made some modifications to our diet. I say 'our' because he has been incredibly supportive throughout the whole pregnancy to the point where he was gaining his own baby bump eating along with me! And now with my changes, he also changed his eating so as not to be tempting me with any naughty foods. Basically the change was not that drastic except to really go to 5-6 small, controlled meals a day and to cut out any sweets, processed foods, and drinks other than water or ginger tea. Basically to switch fully over to a standard recommended pregnancy diet but avoiding high sugar foods and white flour based products.

The first couple of days were tough and then I adjusted and felt fine. So yesterday I went to the specialist with some optimism that maybe there would be a different result when they repeated the glucose tolerance test but it was worse or perhaps just more accurate with their specialized equipment. Rather than feeling guilty I decided I just needed to accept it, move on and do what I need to make sure the baby and I are ok. I met with the doctor regarding the results, he assured me that they weren't bad at all but nevertheless I would need to control my diet and blood sugar levels for the rest of my pregnancy and would need to schedule a follow on with the dietician and himself in the next days. He explained the risks to the baby and me short term and also some longer term risks (we both are at increased risk for developing lasting type II diabetes), which I was not so happy to hear.

The dietician had a cancellation in the afternoon so could see me the same day. She was wonderful. We did the session in German, slowly, and she showed me how to prick my finger with a device and when and how to measure the blood sugar throughout the day. Then we walked through my diet and I was very close to having the right foods and frequency. She modified it a bit more but I was only sad to see ketchup, grapes and bananas crossed off the list. The rest of the bad stuff I already had crossed off myself a couple of weeks ago.

I stopped by the farmer's stand and the grocery store and restocked with the latest advice in mind and started with the monitoring last night. All in all it is not so bad, we will see what the first couple of days results mean tomorrow afternoon.

I guess I knew some bumps in the road were to be expected but am hoping this one is at least manageable. We are in the home stretch now and more than excited to have the little one join us in the next couple of months!

Posted from Munich

The Bump

I can't help it. Every time I catch my reflection in the mirror, I giggle. I look like some pregnant lady. I'm now at six months and there's no hiding the bump anymore. And with that visual sign that Pea is getting bigger and bigger, the reality of what is coming is occupying my thoughts and my activities more and more.

The Saffa and I are signed up for our hospital Infoabend (Information Evening) to see if it's where I want to have the baby. At that point we should also get signed up for birth classes. To be quite honest, I think I prefer to just keep my ignorance. Yes, I know I would probably regret it later but I like living in denial of having to go through the actual birth process.

I got my certificate from the doctor to start maternity leave on August 4 and shocking to think that it's only 2 months away. I plan to work until the end of August anyhow but have agreed to do home office starting August 4th. Having just started my new job, I frequently feel a bit of guilt for leaving again so soon. While I haven't at all lost motivation and am putting a lot into it, we haven't found any adequate way to backfill when I am out. I try not to let it bother me too much as I am also very much looking forward to having the experience of motherhood and it takes priority over work for me but I am also starting to appreciate the difficult balancing act most working mothers must face.

Since my last post we had our 20 week scan, a very detailed ultrasound scan where a doctor (yes, not a technician) performs an examination of all that can be checked using ultrasound (organs, size of baby, etc). All looked good and I was relieved to hear that. I couldn't wait to find out if Pea is a boy or a girl although the Saffa wanted it to be a surprise. He indulged me anyway and we now know but some readers of this blog want it to be a surprise so will not post it here.

The nursery project started last weekend. I had brainstormed some ideas and we decided on colors and a theme. I am such a home decor disaster but this is kind of fun. We rented a car last weekend and headed to hardware store, bought paint and supplies and painted the room. I am surprised how well it came out! Now I am debating whether or not to add a little more 'art' to the walls at the risk of messing it all up. I have also ordered the furniture and it should arrive in August. The Saffa has bought the first set of baby clothes - I found them laid out all over my bed one evening and nearly started crying. He is in South Africa this weekend and his family have added to the collection. So I would say we are on our way.

The last thing I have really noticed is that I am becoming such a softie. Thank you, hormones. It takes next to nothing to choke me up with tears of happiness. Barf! Even worse, if I watch a sad movie or hear a hard luck story, I am bawling at the drop of a hat. I watched the Other Woman with Natalie Portman on Friday night and spent half of it just crying. The worst choice for a pregnant woman to watch a movie about a couple and their baby who dies three days after being born. Hopefully this is just a temporary state. This Shrew does not want to be tamed.

It's been a productive weekend and now I am heading off to loaf around the beer garden with some friends on a semi-nice afternoon before the week starts again. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Posted from Munich

And Baby Makes Three

Let's rewind back to January.

I had just returned to work after the holidays, had decided to take the new job offer starting in April and was looking forward to seeing the Saffa after a couple of weeks apart. Life was moving on again in a new direction and I was pleased. Sure, my moods were swinging around a bit, but that was to be expected at the end of another holiday season, a visit to my family, a new boyfriend and knowing that I was winding up with a company that I really enjoyed working for during the last 10 years, right?

The Saffa arrived from London the week of January 3rd and I was more than happy to see him. Work was relatively slow that week with most people still on holiday so we could enjoy the peace and quiet of Munich in early January. Not to get into woman stuff too much but towards the end of the week I noticed that I didn't have the telltale signs that that time of the month was coming and I was just about due. I told the Saffa and we joked a bit that maybe I was pregnant but I for sure did not believe that. He left on Saturday and by Monday I was a lot more concerned. Something felt different and though I wasn't more than a day or two late I just knew. Off to the pharmacy for a pregnancy test after work on Monday and then straight home, to the bathroom to see what was going on.

I bought a digital one and I think I literally broke out into a sweat, heart pounding as I awaited the results. The display started flashing for what felt like an eternity and then there it was. Schwanger, 4-5 wochen (4-5 weeks pregnant). Just as I slid to the floor to avoid fainting, the phone started ringing and it was the Saffa, asking how I was doing in a cheery voice. In the moment, no words could describe how I was doing so I started giggling nervously. And with that he already knew - I think he more strongly suspected the week before than I did.

My mind started rushing, trying to both comprehend and figure out what I was going to do all at once about everything. I alternated between denial and panic, all kinds of thoughts tumbling around in my mind - the unsigned work contract, concern around the newness of the relationship, being a mother!?!, where would we live, did the Saffa want this, what would my family and friends think, was I too old, and on and on.

The Saffa never even flinched. Really, he was a rock. He knew as soon as I told him the news what he wanted and did what he could to soothe me as I spun out. After a few hours of talking he convinced me to crawl into bed, get some sleep and he would check on me in the morning.

By morning, I felt a lot calmer and sure about two things - the Saffa and the little one were my future and the rest of it would be sorted out step by step. We decided to keep it to ourselves for the first trimester, mostly to allow ourselves some time to digest the whole thing and to figure out some of the big questions we and others would ask before going public. Well, almost to ourselves - I had a big moral dilemma what to do about work as I had not yet signed the new contract and had to decide whether I would tell the new boss first or not and I had to tell one friend to avoid going crazy with the secret. He kept his word to keep it confidential and was a big support through what felt like a very isolated couple of months.

In the end I decided to tell my boss, something a German would never do, as they would immediately rescind the offer not wanting to be saddled with the very protective German maternity rights, namely having to hold the position for up to 3 years of maternity leave. Nevertheless, I didn't feel right about not informing the company that only 4.5 months after I would start, I would go on maternity leave. They were hiring me into a high level position to create an organization to address some major problems they were having and while we all shared the vision that this was not a 3 month consulting gig but would be a journey over the next years, I also did not think they would accept a big gap in my involvement so early in that journey.

Surprise of surprises, they were willing to discuss the options. I gave my boss a week to discuss with HR and his boss who had jointly recruited me and I used the week to determine how I wanted to handle my maternity leave. We came back together a week later and my proposal was acceptable to them. They had already prepared the documentation on what support they could offer for a working mother when I did come back (part time options, remote work, and preferential placement at local day care centers, where do to the societal norm space is very limited).

First hurdle crossed and for me it was a big relief as I really would rather be in the new job as a working mother than in my previous company where intense travel is hard to avoid and alternative options were not very appealing to me. I am sure I will be posting more in the future about baby and career in Germany as it unfolds. In Germany, and particularly in Bavaria, it is strongly frowned upon to be a working mother, especially before baby is three years old and I was told I would be considered a Rabenmutter (Raven mother, who leave their children in an empty nest while off pursuing their career). To me it is a personal decision and I made it fairly quickly with the time constraints but now need to learn through trial and error if I got that right for me and baby.

The Saffa and I went off to our first appointment with the Obgyn and while I cannot compare it to what I would have experienced in the US or elsewhere, I really love my doctor and her practice. She speaks flawless English, reacted as if it was the first time she told someone they were pregnant (excited and happy) and showed the Saffa and me the baby for the first time - a little tiny dot that we promptly nicknamed Pea.

We booked a trip to the US for March so we could tell my parents in person and so they could meet the Saffa, then debated whether to tell them before we went anyway. Finally we decided to do it together in person. The Saffa then started looking into options to transfer over to Munich, with the idea that if that would not work, he would quit and go back to independent contracting based in Munich.

Most unexpectedly, things were coming together...



Pea at 17 weeks, curled up and napping