Blogging Slowdown

Despite the infrequency of my posts lately, blogging has come to be something that I really enjoy. The slowdown in the last month has more to do with what is going on in my life right now. I've been confronted with a number of challenges at work in recent weeks that have kept me in overdrive. Simultaneously, I am starting to feel some pressure to make some decisions about my longer term future in Europe. Whatever free time I have had lately, I spend with M. enjoying life here rather than plugged into a laptop.

When I started work with my company five years ago, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The glossy brochures, slick website and beautiful office looked so enticing and when I got the offer I didn't think twice before taking it. The allure of business consulting with exciting clients and travel all over the world sounded like a perfect match to my skills, personality and interests.

On my first project, I quickly learned what the reality of this career would be like. The work is all consuming, the travel means little continuity in your personal life and you quickly learn to lose track of what city you are in because you have no time to enjoy it anyway. Airports, hotels, and corporate apartments are your home. Bellmen, bartenders, taxi drivers and fellow travelers become your constant companions. The laptop is your ball and the internet is your chain. The stress-levels can be extremely high and the sum of it all is that you are always burning. So most people would probably say, why on earth would you keep at it for five years then?

I revisit that question every year to make sure the good is outweighing the bad and if I should keep at it or look elsewhere. The positives are that I have gotten to work with some amazing people and made some very good friends. I am never bored. At the end of every major milestone I can look back and see that I have achieved something that seemed impossible at the outset. At times, the travel is fun. And for a large company, there is still an entrepreneurial spirit where if you can dream it and sell it there are few limits.

Since I have been on my current project, I have seen my time here come full circle. The first project I was on was understaffed, had agressive timelines and we worked day, night and weekend struggling to keep it afloat. As such a junior member, I felt I had little ability to control what was happening and had to just cope or find a way out. I criticized the leaders on the first project for not dealing with the situations we were facing in a way that alleviated the excessive overtime and stress.

In time, the project ended and since then it has been relatively smooth sailing. Until now. Once again we are in a grind that is non-stop. Everytime I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, more work is dumped on me and my team. I'd like to think I have made things more bearable for my team than the first manager I worked for made life for us. Nevertheless, there are rumblings of discontent and I feel pressure coming from two directions: from above to deliver and from below to keep the demands under control. I feel stretched thin.

Success, for now, is measured in small wins - pushing back and reducing our work load, finding creative ways to distribute it and deliver efficiently and finding free time for myself and my team. Success in the longer term is to find a solution where I can create a better environment for my team to work hard and grow without sacrificing their personal lives to the voracious appetite of senior management.

If all else fails, it may be time to consider opening that ice cream parlor I always dreamed of or Michelle and M.'s little internet cafe in coastal Mexico.

Posted from Munich