I have kept it no secret that my career has been the centerpiece of my life for the last 10 years, for better and worse. Even though I am coming to realize how much more there is to life than work I am proud of what I accomplished and have continued to put a strong effort into advancing my career. I couldn't help but being very disappointed yesterday when I found out I was passed by (second time!) for a promotion I was up for.

I won't go into all the details, but let's just say that both times I have missed it by a very slim margin. My mood worsened throughout the day as I swung back and forth between 'it's time to leave this job and all the craziness that goes with it' to 'I am sure I will make it next year somehow' and everything in between.

I woke up this morning after a restless sleep and felt beyond depressed and angry.

At lunchtime I checked my bank account and saw something I wasn't expecting. A huge bonus had been deposited into my account. Even though I missed the promotion, I had received a nice financial compensation for the strong performance in the last year. It softened the blow.

It struck me that that bonus alone was more than I used to live on in a year when I was in graduate school. I have nothing to complain about with my compensation. On top of that the economy is bad, many have lost their jobs and my colleagues and I are facing that threat as well. But for now, all is ok.

In the end, I am not sure what path I will choose in the upcoming months - push forward for another go at it or put my energy into finding something new. It may even be that the right answer for me is to take my foot off the gas and coast a bit while I enjoy life even more.

As much as I wanted that promotion and am sure I earned that promotion, perhaps it's a signal and life is taking me in another direction. I am at least grateful that as I get older, I have a better perspective now and can appreciate that in the big scheme of things, I still have it pretty good.

Posted from Munich


vailian said...

Congratulations on the bonus! The promotion will come soon!

Expat Traveler said...

Definitely a big congrats on the bonus. In my perspective I've flat lined for a good 7 years and it's so frustrating, so I can totally imagine. I guess things happen for reasons and hopefully the path will take us where we want to go!

christina said...

Yep, you may have to take a different route but you'll get there in the end. Something new and unexpected will probably pop up and be even better than what you thought you wanted. Someone with your drive is destined for greatness. Not that you're not great already! :-)

Michelle said...

Thanks for all the encouragement! I'm already looking for the next great thing :)