A Place to Call Home

I have been back in Europe for a little over two weeks. It hasn't been an easy couple of weeks and it doesn't look like things are going to settle down anytime soon either.

When I left Singapore, I didn't have a lot of expectations of how my return would be. I couldn't really imagine anything after getting on the plane. Seeing M. again, seeing our apartment, being back in Munich - I just had a blank how that would be. In addition, I was between projects at work, which could last for days or weeks, and when the next project came it could, by the nature of my work, land me anywhere. Basically, everything in a complete state of instability.

I had thought about whether or not I wanted to try to return to the US and realized I dont't want that, for now at least. I also thought about staying in Singapore rather than returning to Europe. After a couple of near-misses on finding project work in Singapore, I booked my ticket back to Munich and returned to face the reality.

I returned to our apartment in Munich and spent some soul-searching days discussing, questioning everything and finding no real answers. All I found was indecision and second guessing. I headed off to Basel and spent 4 days packing up my apartment there before heading to the apartment where I am squatting in Zurich. Shortly thereafter I headed back to Munich to pack up what I could there and spent the weekend at the Wiesn with my gal Sal, a high point in the last weeks.

In all this packing and traveling, one dominant thought started to surface again and again as I tried to make sense of everything and decide what to do next. I really wanted to have my own place and to try to settle a bit and make some friends. In other words, I wanted a place to call home. I wanted to put some feeble roots into the ground somewhere and see what would happen. Before I met M. I was very happy running my own show and living in my own apartment and if nothing else, I would like to get back to that.

I started an apartment search in Munich and found a couple that I liked. I spoke to some of the landlords/realtors and decided I should view a couple. No sooner had I done that when...

Work called. A project I had been in dicussion with over the last week has a place for me. A very good opportunity, a big step up in my career, working with some people I know and like and to start within the next week or so. Only one drawback - I would split time between Zurich and NYC. There goes the dreams of my cozy apartment in Munich - either I could take it and never see it again or not even bother with it.

Ironically, my normally wandering spirit is completely uninterested in shuffling between 3 or even 2 cities right now. On the other hand, watching the global economy and the impacts on our opportunities and after looking around for a project the last few weeks and turning up nothing else, I don't have a lot of alternatives.

So, I will go for the project. They are willing to negotiate a temporary transfer to Zurich and assist with an apartment search and costs. There are a lot of positives to this (can see US friends and family who are all within a couple hours of NY, can get to know Zurich and the area and stay in Europe, will make out well financially on the deal). Still I feel apprehension when I think of another year on the road and with my life and belongings scattered over 3 countries. I only hope this is leading somewhere good.

Che Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Che Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Posted from Zürich


C N Heidelberg said...

I wish you luck with your new project!

Anonymous said...

Reluctantly crouched at the starting line,
Engines pumping and thumping in time.
The green light flashes, the flags goes up,
Churning and burning, they yern for the cup.

They deftly manouver and muscle for rank,
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank,
Wreckless and wild they pour thru the turns,
Their prowless is podent and secretly stern.

As they speed thru the finish the flags go down.
The fans get up, and get out of town.
The arena is empty except for one girl,
Still driving and striving as fast as she can

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But she's driving and striving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom she still burns.

aimee said...

it sounds like a wonderful opportunity! certainly much worse places to live than zurich. ;-)

enjoy it and let us know when you're in NYC.